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Gloomy Outlooks

October 18, 2016

Wow, it was REALLY hard to get up this morning.  I feel like I'm drifting through life controlled by the materials around me.  Last night I had a dream that I was drifting from group to group and couldn't find one I fit into.  I was attracted to a group based on image(materialism).  I'd stay with the group and try to conform, then get bored with that groups repetitive "habit", stop doing it and then the group would reject me.  I kept doing this - wondering through my existence and hoping to find where I fit in.  I feared growing old and never finding others to share life with and dwindling off alone.


That dream put me in a funk and I even called in sick for the morning to sleep longer.


It is so hard to get excited about anything anymore.  I feel like this part of my life is wearing off and should be preparing for a change.  I feel sad thinking that one day, I wont live in the same house as my sister-see her as often, I wont see my mom or dad, that my daughter will grow up and go off,  and what will happen to my kitties, "Teegs-n-Puddin", they depend on me and are really my only companions, sad to say, at this point of my life.  The funny thing is, I don't really see them that much now.


I haven't been working on my paintings recently or exercise enough.  It's October, so that means the Geheb's annual halloween party.  This is the 3rd year I've been invited.  I really do love going to a dress up party.  My whole life I wished I'ld be invited or even have one at my house with my super cool husband...  I think I spend too much time working on little things in the costume, spend too much $ on things for the costume.  It's kind of disappointing when the party is over and all the time and money are packed up or thrown away.